the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
