East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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