life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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