i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
