Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
