I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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