ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think my mom watched the whole time
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
