so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
