I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
