She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
