i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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