Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
