thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
