Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
