I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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