I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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