Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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