The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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