He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
