i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
