Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It was confusing and full of hummus
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
