So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think my mom watched the whole time
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
