i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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