I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.