I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
a search helicopter?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How does it feel to date your dad?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
