maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate