just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
