I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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