am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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