she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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