Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
this just has baby written all over it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
