piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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