I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it's like iHOP with fire
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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