Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
