I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
