I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
