Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
