I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
smell my finger.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
