if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
