They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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