just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
