U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
