genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
