The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
