I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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