You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
