I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
