We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
