It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
