you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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