I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
