in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
