god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
third nipple confirmed
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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