4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
