I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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