I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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