So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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