I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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