i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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