My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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