You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think my tv is drunk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
