So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
