I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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