see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
