Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
