Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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