I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
