Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
