I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
